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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24891457">SPONGEBOB GAY</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calicornia/pseuds/Calicornia'>Calicornia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon), Steven Universe (Cartoon), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:22:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,689</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24891457</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calicornia/pseuds/Calicornia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kujo Jotaro/SpongeBob SquarePants</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>SPONGEBOB GAY</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gaybob Spongepants was on the prowl, it was time to come out of the closet. He adjusted the straps on his rainbow suspenders and made his way to the only Krusty Krab in Texas. The familiar streets were still littered with white rice and funko pop figures, the aftermath of Rohan's pride parade. Gaybob walked through the gohan coating the streets, as if it were the red carpet of the homosexual Oscars. He sniffed the air, time to pound down the whole bottle of wine. Not just one bottle, but several. He placed one in every one of his many holes and absorbed the liquid into his porous body. Squidward's entire wine cellar was depleted in seconds, unbeknownst to the cephalopod, who was too busy serenading his husband with a sick clarinet rendition of Roundabout.</p><p>Gaybob burped up the most expensive wine, it was too boujee for his tastes. As his alcohol blood content reached blackout levels, he entered into the Texas Krusty Krab. Cock and Balls ready, he approached the man behind the counter. He was a tall, sexy, marine biologist, but that degree didn’t matter ‘round these parts. <br/>"Hey *hic* you," Gaybob said, tripping accidentally popping off one of his sponge legs. Don't worry, it'll grow back.</p><p>"Don't worry, it'll grow back" Jotaro yare yare'd to the sponge who now lay in a puddle of spoiled grape juice which Jotaro would have to mop up.</p><p>"I got something else that grows, if you know what I mean." Gaybob's eyes migrated to the back of his rectangular headbody so that he could wink at the tired man in the absurdly tiny and mildly phallic hat that stood above him. Jotaro Kujo blushed ever so slightly, a sponge? Flirting with him? It just wasn’t possible, sea creatures were never dtf when he wasn’t in cum mode.</p><p>That’s when he heard it, the sound of his manager leaving the Krusty Krab’s secret linens closet. The sound of crocs slapped against the wood flooring, and the smell of fresh golf filled the air.</p><p>Straightbob Heterosexualpants was here to set things straight. </p><p>The aggressive heterosexual waves penetrated the atmosphere (which was feeeemale obviously) and filled the air with the smell of barbecue and professional sports. Straightbob opened his massive fucking nostrils and vacuumed the air into his smell receptors.</p><p>"Is that a gay I smell? In my good christian fast food establishment?" His eyes zoompunched in on the ocean of wine that had accumulated on the floor of the restaurant. At its center he found the source of the odor, clad in rainbow suspenders.</p><p>Jotaro's ass quaked in fear of losing his minimum wage job. He had to think of a way to mask the masculine testosterone leaking from his homosexuality apparatus. Jotaro gulped down his fear as he thought of the one person that could save him from his boss.</p><p>Mario if he real!</p><p>Was he real? Was this the real life? Or was this just fantasy. Jotaro felt as though he were caught in a landslide. There was no escape from this horrible reality. </p><p>"Easy come easy go" Jotaro muttered under his breath as he felt his employment slip away from him. </p><p>Straightbob McHetFuck sucked in seven breaths exactly before opening his mouth to speak, but before he had a chance to tune his vocal chords into the perfect masculine octave a figure bust into the Krusty Krab. A figure wearing nothing but a rotisserie chicken suit and a scowl. </p><p>*Goth Boy Has Entered the Chat*</p><p>It was the past, future, and present all at once. Chicken Brent was both giving birth and supporting his gay son. Time truly was nothing in the face of our lord and savior Goth Boy.</p><p>“And just who do you think you are?” Straightbob Hetereosexualpants laughed in Christian, “Mario? He isn’t real!”</p><p>Goth Boy stood between the country club frequenter, the underpaid fry cook, and the underpaid clerk. His face remained stoic as he flipped his hair under his hand me down chicken costume.</p><p>“Mario is my godfather.” Goth Boy pulled out his guitar, “And he IS real!”</p><p>Everyone began to wake up to ash and dust, wiping their brows and sweating their rust. It was on. </p><p>Very much like Donkey Kong.</p><p>Goth Boy channel all his homosexual energy into his guitar. Each of the six strings took on the souls of the 6 gay icons from all 6 corners of the nth dimension. That's right we're a hexagon up.in this bitch. Goth boy plucked each string with a flaming dose of homosexuality one by one.</p><p>"OIII WE LIVE IN A FOOKIN ALLWAY M8" Screamed the first string. John Koichi appeared, shrouded in a cloud of piss. </p><p>The second string was strung and a new figure emerged.from within the piss mist. A figure with pink skin brandishing a doughnut made entirely of salt. It was none other than Pannacotta Lars (he took his ex-husband's first name in the divorce.) </p><p>The third string rumbled to life and the smell of cheese wafted in from every corner of the globe. It was time to get cheesed up. </p><p>“And still no Mario.” Straightbob laughed and then dabbed, his Man Deodorant stunk up the place, summoning a horde of Hank Hills to fight at his disposal.</p><p>“Aye Goth Boy.” Piers cringed, his piss smell increasing with every word he said, “I ain’t never fought a fookin’ ‘straylin before. He’s about to put shrimp up our barbies!”</p><p>“I’d rather have all the shrimp in the word stuffed up my barbie than ever allow a homophobe to successfully run a Krusty Krab!” Goth Boy charged at Straightbob and thrust his chicken fist into his spongy face, absorbing the blow completely. He lifted a chicken leg to kick, right in the nuts, to ensure Straightbob could never reproduce. However, his nuts absorbed the blow just fine.</p><p>“Tch. When will you learn Goth Boy?” Straightbob lifted him in the air with psiionics, “Mario never threw punches!”</p><p>“Th-then what did he do?” Goth Boy struggled in the grip, his mascara streaking. Not from tears, but for dramatic effect.</p><p>“He jumped.” </p><p>"That's a what you-a think, hetero." Could it be? Was it really Him?</p><p>The 4th string sharted the sound barrier. Yes. Sharted. From the horrible cloud of ash and dust emerged a man in a red hat emblazoned with an M, overalls, and enough ass to cover the entire continent of Straya.</p><p>Mario had entered the chat?</p><p>"Get-a ready to be-a pounded like-a worm coochie!" Mario clapped his ass cheeks together as he charged up his special ability. Soup Mode had been activated, anf homophobia was not the soup of the day.</p><p>Mario may not be real, but that ass was. The Hank Hills ran in terror as Mario’s ass clapped so hard that the building shook. His nipples rhythmically twitched, and he lifted his shirt.</p><p>Mario’s nipples began blasting pure testosterone all over the Hank Hills, causing them to transform into Gay Hank Hills. Piers and Lars stopped whatever the fuck they were doing to help Goth Boy and watched in awe as white milk left the teet of Mario H. Brothers.</p><p>“Holy fishpaste!” Spongebob shouted he had woken up from his drunken stupor to a man squirting his testosterone all over a crowd of middle aged men. How was he supposed to react to this? Was it real?</p><p>“Yipee! I’m-a real!” Mario was going mad with power, the Gay Hank Hills were now becoming too full of testosterone, and started to ascend past human power. Even Goth Boy was afraid. </p><p>"Propane tanks?" One of the newly Gay Hank Hill's shouted quietly as he began to glow in rainbow order. "More like prostate thanks!" The Gaynk all bwah'd in unison as they began to swell with homosexuality. Goth Boy lost his grip on his guitar pick, which nicked the 5th string as it fell to ground. </p><p>A new challenger has entered the arena. And he was here to testoster-tone things down.</p><p>"IT SMELLS OF COCKS AND BALLS THAT REQUIRE TORTURE IN THIS PLACE" Gundam Femdom Tanaka rolled in inside a giant spiked hamster ball, his cock and ball torture apparatus already in hand.</p><p>It was time to administer the femdom.</p><p>The battle of the Century was about to happen, Mario vs. Sonic the Gundam Femdom Tanaka Hedgehog. Mario spread his legs, almost as if to invite the idea of having his nuts crushed by a man who grew up in the nutcracker suite of the Christmas hotel.</p><p>“Come-a on-a Gundam!” Mario laughed evilly, “Show me just-a how real-a my balls are!”</p><p>Goth Boy felt a twinge of regret, was this really the way to keep homophobia out of the Krusty Krab? There had to be something he could do, to stop this madness without another testosterone flood like the last time. He stepped to intervene, but Lars had already made the decision for him.</p><p>The sixth string was plucked, and the battlefield got really weird. A portal containing the gayest man to ever exist appeared between Gundam Femdom Tanaka and Mario just as the CBT apparatus slammed against Mario’s nuts.</p><p>It was Straightbob Heterosexualpants’s father.</p><p>I Am Not Heterosexualpants.</p><p>Straightbob gasped at the sight before his eyes. He hadn't seen his father since the great coochie flood. Manly tears began to well up in his eyes at the sight before him but he could not cry. His sexuality wouldn't allow it. </p><p>The gay sponge didn't say a word. He layed down in the testosterone That soaked the floor of the restaurant, absorbing it into his porous body with the ease of a sponge. <br/>While all of this was happening, Gaybob looked up at Mario, and noticed something.</p><p>A ‘made in China’ sticker on the back of his neck.</p><p>“Jotaro! That’s not the real Mar-” A hand covered Spongebob’s porous mouth.</p><p>“We have to get out of here Spongebob, the testosterone is reaching critical mass.” Jotaro picked up his new boyfriend and ran, tears streaking out of his eyes. He too, knew that Mario wasn’t real. He knew his deep, dark, secret.</p><p>Mario, if he’s not the Guido. But the Mista.</p>
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